Lucky #8

  8 months since the day..

 I went to breakfast with my best friends.

 They continued to set up the reception and do all the hard work, while keeping me away. True friendship,
 people, is letting your friend have alone time on her wedding day and telling her "no" she cannot help with
 anything.

I melted all over my friends when they came to pick me up for our hair appointments. I like being the
sane one. The one that is calm and encouraging and brings extra deodorant and tampons and snacks,
just in case. But I'm so thankful God let them be that for me. They brought me coffee and grabbed anything and everything I "might" have needed. And they never once made me feel crazy. They let me sink into the
emotions and crazy, and they carried me.

Ralph Lauren dress. Yes, it was on me. And my hair was done. I looked like me. More like I was dressing up for a party than a wedding...and I liked that.

We prayed with our best friends. I can't describe it.

Our pastor spoke words we still remember.

I made a covenant.

I received the greatest gift - the opportunity to understand God's grace in a whole new way.

I remember the strangest things...one of our friends, looking so beautiful in her dress with the accessory of a baby bump. friends having fun with the ginormous huge holy cow big sparklers in the darkness. Clarke being so hungry at the reception. I remember walking away into the quietness to sign our marriage license.

 I never felt more rushed through a sweet thing in my life.

 And then, we drove away.

 It seems so much longer than 8 months. In a good way. In a crazy, sanctifying, lots of change way.

 I wish I could get down on paper what the Lord has done to my heart through this man he allows me to
 run this race with.

 People like to tell us we're still babies when they hear how long we've been married. But I believe the Lord doesn't work everyone on the same time schedule. It's not about ages or years married, but about every day
needing God's grace. I will be a baby til the day I die. I'll need the Lord's grace upon grace for each new day, just as he apportioned it for me long before I was born.

Clarke, you have taught me more by what you do than what you could ever teach me in word. I know you do not lose sight of your first love, and our goal is to help each other run to our real home. Even when you're
not around, I remember to never be afraid, because our sweet Jesus is a warrior king and he is coming for us.

This marriage constantly reminds me of home. It's the most indescribable thing I've ever done. How do you find the words for Him?

I am humbled by His goodness to me. I deserve nothing good, yet have attained all truly good things through Him.

That's what the #8 means to me, guys. Jesus. 

The Tower of Babble

 It has been so long since I've written. Anything. Anywhere.

 I want to write it all out because there is so much that I see 

 and I want to always remember. I want to tell our story, so God 

 can use it however he wants.

 At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, our life is 

 crazy FULL. Full of mercy. grace. truth. our selfish ambition 

 and God's holy hand guiding us in his kingdom work. full of 

 responsibilities and blessing. full of work and full of play.

 Full of our messiness and Him getting all the glory for his 

 holiness.

 In these times, there is one thing I lack more than ever - the

 words.

 The words to explain and paint the picture. And he tells me,

 "Just because you don't have the words to describe what I'm 

  doing does not mean that what I'm doing matters any less. Your

  words are not my value. I am far above your words about me."

 I am so lucky to have a God whose word is ultimate. He needs me 

 for nothing and yet allows me to be part of His glory. 

 When I have no words, I have no need to worry. I have the "word." 

 John 1:14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we

 have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father,

 full of grace and truth.

 His word matters more than anything. 

 In my time of lacking my words - don't get me wrong, I 

 completely believe that God loves hearing us talk about him, 

 and gives us stories that speak to others hearts for his glory -

 I sit in His word. That I might know Jesus and his truth and 

 speak those words first.