I have this struggle.
It's a marriage killer.
It's one that looks like it will lift the cares off my shoulders, but instead I am left lacking. With more trouble than when I started.
I like to call it The Venti Vent.
No, I don't mean letting out a struggle to some godly friends or the occasional mess I become in front of my husband when something serious happens and I don't know what to do.
We're skipping the tall and grande and heading straight to the venti.
I will be going right along, taking things to the Lord and walking with Him and resting in his truth and grace. Then something will frustrate me and that one thing, like forgetting my purse, if not covered in God's word and right thinking about the situation, will turn my heart upside down.
And when partnered with the opportunity to tell someone about it...
The Venti Vent enters the picture.
I have two options:
Run from my desire and the momentary fix of full vent
Or
Give into it. Let my mouth run free, speaking with my flesh.
Let me paint the picture...
Newlyweds.
9 months married.
Blessed with abundant riches of their savior.
Best friends. Jokes. Easygoing.
A husband that provides, encourages, leads, laughs, and serves.
Serves and never complains.
An adoring wife, along for the ride.
But..
All at once there's that one frustrating thing
And she thinks if she just speaks it to him
Then she'll feel better.
So she speaks those first words.
And it doesn't feel better, yet.
And as if she's never played with this fire before
She takes those things she was previously looking at through the Lord's eyes
And starts burning them on The Venti Vent Fire.
The words keep flowing and flowing until every thing has been looked out and spoken about through her flesh.
The Vent is over. Every bit she had she threw on the fire.
She should feel free at this point, right?
She got it all out.
No, she feels empty.
She burnt up all the good things, too.
And that sweet husband, he's confused, too.
You got the flames flying so high, you burnt him.
And you got smoke in his eyes. And now he can't see clearly.
All those things you said, you really don't feel that badly about.
But the temptation of the vent was too strong.
How are you going to convince that husband about a different perspective?
You wonder why he seems to misunderstand you.
Well, the intesity of that full vent is memorable.
What about the intensity of your praise?
What about the Venti Truth?
Are those forgettable?
If I would have turned from those first words, never letting them come out. Then the fire would never have been built.
I could have used my energy to sing His words in my heart.
To speak them aloud.
And then the only burning would have been my desire for the Lord.
How quickly can our words burn down our houses, ladies?
We spend years building it up by living God's truth.
When your lips are tempted to speak those first few words...
for your immediate desire to take the easy way out...
remember, it's a lie.
The easy way is easy for a minute
But when the vent is over
You will be left with more problems than when you started.
You will not be free.
You will be discouraged.
Your husband will not feel closer to you, but more confused about what is truly going on.
"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." Proverbs 29:11
"When words are many, transgression is not lacking,but whoever restrains his lips is prudent." Proverbs 10:19
The good news is that God's grace is bigger than The Venti Vent.
If you struggle with this, too, please join with me in crying out for the Lord's help.
I pray we will not settle for what seems natural, but that the Lord, in his merciful riches, will guide us in the spirit.
I pray we win the war with words. For our hearts. For our friends. For our husbands. For God's glory.
You're not alone in this war with our flesh.
E & A,
Jo
